All About Britney Spears

could you please give me some feedback on my first college essay?

When I was little I used to think that music was stupid and that there was no point to it. Then, all of a sudden, my mom decided that it would be good for me to join my cousin to sing in a choir in a Christian Church in Chinatown. At first, I resented this and refused to sing during recitals, but slowly, I grew to like it. I remember the part that I liked best about choir was learning how to play Beethoven’s 9th Symphony on the recorder. Soon, after this, my parents took me out so I could go for extra help in math, since it was not one of my best subjects. By this time I was in the third grade going to a small Catholic school in my neighborhood. The school was offering a new course to the students: band. My parents made me sign up for band; they thought it would be advantageous for me to take it. The handout said that playing an instrument would help students academically and improve hand-eye coordination, which were two things I needed help in. I had my first band class in October and was placed in the group with about ten other third, fourth, and fifth graders; we were called “Group D” because there were too many people who signed up to play the flute. That day we learned how to make a sound just using the mouthpiece. I immediately caught on, and in a couple months, the band director asked me if I wanted to move up to Group A, where the sixth, seventh and eighth graders were. I said yes. I felt proud of myself for working hard and being able to finally play songs while Group D was still struggling to learn to play notes. In the sixth and seventh grade, I received letters to join the New York City Honor Band. Only students who the director thought were good were able to join. In addition to that, you had to be in the sixth, seventh or eighth grade. Then again in eighth grade, I was invited to join Honor Band and to be in the Woodwind Ensemble. Even though I am not obligated to still play flute, I still practice it. My little brother, who is four years younger, also plays the flute. Not to toot my own horn, but he tells me that he wishes that he could play as well as I do. When I am in a good mood, I will sometimes play along with him and help him out when he makes mistakes. But I want to learn how to play the guitar. My inspiration comes from listening to my favorite bands: Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco, Cobra Starship, Cute Is What We Aim For, and Boys Like Girls. Since I started listening to them, I have fallen more and more in love with music. I am not just confined to just listening to alternative music. The different types of genres of music that I listen to also include: dance, hip-hop, pop, R&B, rock, techno, Chinese pop and rap, alternative Japanese, and Korean rap. Music is a big part of my life and it makes me who I am. To later on have a career in the music industry would be a dream come true. Yes, I do love music but I am not a singer. I want to work behind the scenes, to help artists make it big, to write songs for bands to sing. I want to work for an Indie record label; I prefer small, not-so-well-known bands compared to artists whose songs have been overplayed again and again on the radio. I love writing poems except when I am forced to about a particular topic that I do not like.

Public Comments

1. Awesome...